I'd rather stay in the tower, thank you very much

I'm starting to think that all the stories I loved as a child have done me some great disservice. As a little girl we all learned the tales of princesses swept away and saved by the handsome prince...and we believed it. We believed that love will overcome it all. And as we aged we watched every "happily ever after" romantic comedy that came down the pipe, and that fostered our beliefs that someday our prince will come. Julie Roberts got her man in every movie, even when she was a hooker. We all fed at the trough of hope and belief, every movie where the good girl tames the bad boy in the end, the awkward shy girl wins over the hero with the heart of gold, and on and on and on.


So have Hollywood and Walt Disney created a generation of people who don't know how to have a healthy relationship? Or should I say a generation of women expecting what isn't real? We expect to find the movie storyline, each of us dreams of being the heroine in her own fairytale, but how real is that? And how often do we see/hear/read about girls with REAL relationships in the media? The closest thing to a girl I can relate to on TV is Meredith Gray on Gray's Anatomy - I'm not saying she's like the rest of us average girls out there, but at least they let her have some insecurities and the like. Granted, in the season finale she got her prince charming, but at least there was some struggle there for a while before it worked out for her in the end. The raw emotion of her "Pick me. Choose me. Love me." from a few seasons back was something I could relate to. I have thought those thoughts, I have uttered thoughts like that to men certainly unworthy of the sentiment. I blame my expectations on the media - they let me hope, they let me believe, they made it seem like it was true for all of us, not just the chosen few.

Is it fair that they have handicapped me this way in relationships? Think about it - Disney heroines had to be weak to win the man. That's the lesson I learned from all those princesses, but that's not my reality. Is that my problem? I won't lose my voice like the Mermaid, I want to fight my own dragons, a little assist every now and then might be good, but I don't need someone to get me out of my ivory tower. I need someone who would be proud of me at the end of the day for getting out, who would take me to dinner and ask me about how I did it, who wants to stand beside me, not in front of me.

For a long time I have convinced myself that I am stocking up on good karma. That all the bullshit in the past 15 years of my dating life has been scoring me points with dating karma, that the man at the end of the rainbow was going to be worth it all - the lies, the cheats, the bastards, the disappointment, the tears, the tears, the tears. I'm still waiting. How long is it going to take? At this point with all the shit of years past, he better be damn worth it in the end. I thought I found him, but I wonder. Don't we all? Don't we all wonder if there is something wrong with us that we haven't found our satisfaction yet? Or wonder if we will ever find what we are looking for...I just don't know anymore.

As I sit here and ponder my current relationship situation, the uncertainty of it all, I wonder when I can get my reality TV show. You know, one that can show the reality of being a well-educated, successful young woman in America who made it to 30 without a marriage, engagement, child, etc. It is real life here, this is the raw ugly underbelly of relationships. Of pride and uncertainty, of hope and disbelief, of the break down and cry kind of endings. Where do they show that in the movies? Where do they show that anywhere?

Did Jim's Big Ego say it best with the lyrics of their song, Prince Charming? I'm starting to think so...

I think you better cut all that hair off
throw it out the window
climb down from that tower
flip the wicked witch the finger
ain't no use to wait for him to get you
he's out chasing his own demons
not like you can really blame him
you've got demons of your own

and I hate to be the one to tell you
cause it don't seem so romantic
but that's the way it really goes
and now you know

you're gonna have to be your own prince charming
gonna have to ride your own stallion
gonna have to find your own castle
gonna have to raise your own sail
and there's gonna be a happy ending
but that's only the beginning
this ain't no fairy tale
it's true
it's real
it's you

Cinderella stepped out of her glass slippers
threw down that new apron
put on a pair of old Doc Martens
and stomped right out the door
the prince was still chewing on his bacon
as he hit the open road
said life is full enough of disappointment
to go kissing any toad

and somewhere a band was playing
"to-ra-loo-ra-loo-ra"
you go out and see the world girl
have yourself a ball

you're gonna have to be your own prince charming
gonna have to ride your own stallion
gonna have to find your own castle
gonna have to raise your own sail
and there's gonna be a happy ending
but that's only the beginning
this ain't no fairy tale

you're gonna have to be your own prince charming
gonna have to ride your own stallion
gonna have to find your own castle
gonna have to raise your own sword
and there's gonna be a happy ending
and there's gonna be a happy ending
and there's gonna be a happy ending
it's true
it's real
it's you