Jersey Girl

Ok, I'm just going to lay it all out there - I am a Jersey Girl in the literal use of the term. I grew up in New Jersey, I have lived here (for the most part) for all 30 years of my life, I've got NJ tags on my car, I drive like I'm from Jersey, and I know many of the Jersyisms that exist. I am not THAT kind of Jersey Girl though - my nails are real, my boobs are real, my hair is not teased, overly permed, or color treated in a way that requires a haz-mat suit. I don't wear Jersey girl clothes - I own neither spandex or leopard print, I don't talk like Jersey, and I don't fit the stereotype by any stretch of the imagination. I'm from the garden part of the Garden State - I've been cow tipping, I know how to pick good produce, I'm not afraid of wild animals, and I have driven a tractor and worked at a farm stand.

That being said, I have determined that, despite my prowess at driving in Jersey and like I'm from Jersey, New Brunswick is the root of evil in the state of NJ. I HATE driving in and around New Brunswick with a passion that seems somewhat unnatural. To begin with, it seems to me that someone in New Brunswick looks at the road maps monthly, determines that because there is so much road construction going on that everyone is using road X to bypass the construction, and then determines that it would be a good time to rip up road X and replace all the drainage pipes, or gas pipes, or water pipes. Yesterday I had to go to the Middlesex County Correction Center, which lies on the edge of New Brunswick, a mere 7.8 miles from my office. A journey that SHOULD take no more than 20 minutes, but because it was New Brunswick it took me more than 45 minutes to get there. Why? I don't know. I do know that they had the main road leading into New Brunswick ripped up in many places although no one was manning the GIANT holes the road. In addition, every overpass in New Brunswick is constantly dripping, despite the fact that there is no rain. I don't know where all this water comes from, but I imagine it being full of Ebola and any other nasty form of virus and bacteria, simply because New Brunswick is the outer realm of hell. The detours are detoured there, which suggests to me that the devil has a portal there somewhere, likely in the new Rutgers football stadium.